A co-worker shared these New Year's Resolutions with me from a central Kentucky music publication memusicnews.com, resolutions specific to different types of musicians. They're so spot-on that I had to share them with my musician friends on this blog. Proper credit: these are reprinted without permission and come from the column David's Slingshot by David Kibler, who is lead minister at Catalyst Christian Church in Nicholasville KY. Thanks to David - enjoy!
Lead Singers:
1. Don't be like the lead singer who was asked to change a light bulb. He just held it and let the world revolve around him. Other people in the band are important, too.
2. If you can't hit the notes, don't blame the sound engineer or insist on Autotune. There are some things even reverb won't fix.
3. Don't sing through your nose. The Jonas Brothers don't need any competitions in that area.
4. Realistically, though, if anyone in the band disagrees with you, just can 'em and move on. The band is all about you, anyway.
Drummers:
1. Resist the urge to overplay. Most songs don't need a Neil Peart wannabe on drums.
2. Don't be like the guy who delivered me a pizza the other night. His knocking sped up, and he didn't know when to come in.
3. Get your own place to live -- pretty soon, you will have to move out of the parents' basement.
4. Cowbells are only cool if you play in Blue Oyster Cult. Other than that, leave them to the cows.
5. If you break up with the girlfriend, don't sweat it. There are plenty of homeless shelters for you to stay the night.
Bass Players:
1. This year, realize that none of the fans think you are important, and you will not be receiving any praise from them.
2. Resolve not to say the words "Hey guys, let's do some of MY material!" That is the quickest way to get kicked out of a band.
3. Find the "pocket" and stay there. Especially when the lead singer is picking up chicks.
4. Unless you are Geddy Lee, Michael Anthony, or Sting, don't try to sing. BAss players don't have any talent anyway.
Lead Guitar Players:
1. Develop good people skills. They are necessary for waiting tables and working fast food while you wait for your band to "make it big."
2. Effects DON'T cover up for sloppy technique.
3. This year, resolve to show up to practice actually knowing your part so the rest of the band doesn't have to waste time listening to you learn it.
4. This year, resolve to show up to practice beforehand, giving yourself time to set up and be ready when practice actually starts.
5. This year, resolve to show up to practice at all.
Keyboard Players:
1. This year, resolve to make peace with your bass player by staying off the left hand.
Accordion Players:
1. Get rid of the pager. No one is going to call you.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
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